Every year it’s the same feeling, for the past 20 years. Ramadan reminds me of my childhood summers, when they felt like eternity in May. Then it’s September, the night before the first day of school, and I feel like I missed out.

I always wonder what change this Ramadan will bring. What will change about my faith, my habits, my relationships. I always aspire to improve. It doesn’t always work. Sometimes it gets worse.

One year I made a decision to spend less time scrolling. I fasted from all social media apps for the whole month. After Ramadan, I found myself spending more time on my phone than I had been before Ramadan started. I was making up for missed days!

The self-improvement space sometimes feels soulless, like a corporate CEO’s new plan on giving to charity causes while their entry-level employees are underpaid. Do more, say no, quit your job, travel. Meanwhile, I have a little person at home who grows like a plant each year, and her water is my attention.

I tell myself I can do it all with the right system. Then all of it goes out of the window, the story to edit, the video to record, the newsletter to write, because she wants to play. It’s a negotiation that I often lose. The rare times I win, my wife is usually involved.

Guilt is always there.
My parenting needs self-improvement.
Maybe next Ramadan will help.
She will be five.

📸 Through My Lens

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Thank you for reading!

Mohamed